Wednesday, 27 August 2008:
A very funny result from some homework offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix .
The professor told his class one day, 'Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.'
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.
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THE STORY
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite
for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked
chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was
suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.
(second paragraph by Gary )
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more
important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he
had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. 'A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,' he said into his transgalactic
communicator. 'Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...' But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct
hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically
brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 'Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and
Space Travel,' Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her.
She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her. 'Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?' she wondered wistfully..
( Gary )
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who
pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target
for the hostile alien empires who were determine d to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize
the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.. The lithium fusion
missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on
the ocean floor off the coast of Guam , felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid
Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic
semi-literate adolescent.
( Gary )
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary
equivalent of Valium. 'Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh
no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!'
(Rebecca)
Asshole!
( Gary )
Bitch!
(Rebecca)
F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
( Gary )
Go drink some tea - whore.
(TEACHER)
A+ I really liked this one.
