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Confabulation
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01 Apr '05:
Ray:
Heather, why the Hell do you want to join the military?
Heather:
So I can kill little terrorist babies and chop off their heads and each year I'll send you one for Christmas.
Heather:
(After ironing a cotton shirt) See, look at that crease. It's like a blade... it's saying, "Look, I'm a crease!"
02 Apr '05:
Christine:
Wow, so this is what a real high school looks like!
Me:
What? Oh no, this isn't a REAL high school. It's just Valley.
Ingrid:
Are you two dating?
Me:
Nooooooooooo... I'm her brother.
Papa:
Look at that Jeep go!
Me:
I really think that you should pull over and let me drive.
Papa:
Why?
Me:
'Cuz that was a PT Cruiser.
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Real Men Wear Flight Suits!
03 Apr '05:
BobB2325:
McDonald's: encouraging more balanced, active lives.
Me:
...on the toilet.
11 Apr '05:
AirForceHockey13:
I've decided I'd rather be reading the book "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie..." rather than writing this paper.
Me:
If I gave a mouse a cookie, she'd probably bite me in the nuts.
Me:
Oh no! She's replacing her 'r's with 'w's! Cuteness overload of adorable proportions!
Liggy:
Do you live on campus?
Me:
Not really.
Liggy:
What do you mean, "not really"?
Steve:
He ends up in a different room every night, going from girl to girl.
Liggy:
Oh my God, that's HORRIBLE!!!
Me:
What do you mean? It would take me two hours to drive all the way home and back to class the next day! Think of all the air polution
and congestion I'm preventing! Not to mention all the money I'm saving on gas...
Liggy:
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!
Me:
Oh. Huh?
15 Apr '05:
Matt:
They always speak English on these shows no matter which galaxy they're in!
Me:
I want a passport with the name Jean-Luc Picard on it. So that way no matter where I go the natives will always speak English and it will
be good.
Lady:
Is it valor or ignorance?
Me:
You obviously don't know very much about the Marine Corps, Lady!
16 Apr '05:
DMo:
Just so you know, Maverick... the actual Maverick, is from Tolland.
Everybody in the House:
TOLLAND SUCKS!!!
18 Apr '05:
BobB2325:
Vagina pops for Feminism Week
They all partook in the feast
Jay's moist vagina towers over all!
Fang:
So from this equation you can determine the probability that you will get head or that you will get tail.
19 Apr '05:
Julie:
God made Bunnies. Man made refrigerators. Which one breaks down more often?
Me:
Nonsense. You can't keep your beer cold inside of a bunny!
21 Apr '05:
Allan:
That's the gayest thing I've ever heard!
Me:
Obviously, you've never heard YOURSELF talk before.
24 Apr '05:
Claudia:
Oh my God! Is that a wig!
Jim:
No, that's the genuine article!
Me:
You can always date these shows by the size of my hair!
Claudia:
Hey, the three of us are in the same scene! Hi guys! *Waves*
Me:
They're not waving back! Buncha stuckup brats!
Me:
Hey, it's Peter! Where is Peter today?
Jim:
He's out in California, I think.
Me:
Oh yeah? When does he get out?
Claudia:
Yeah... he's in prison!
Jim:
Probably for overacting.
Claudia:
We used to call you the black Labrador of the show 'cuz you came in and you were like, "Hey, guys! What are we doing today?
Huh Huh Huh? *Pant* *Pant* *Pant*!"
Me:
I came in to this group of bitter, cynical actors...
Jim:
That's B.S.!
Me:
...and I had to carry the entire show on my big, broad shoulders!
Claudia:
That's such crap! Ooh, nice outfit there!
Me:
Yeah, that thing never fit right.
Jim:
That's because it was left over from the last show!
Me:
It's probably the same jacket that Mike wore!
Jim:
YEAH!!! You tell 'em, Matt!
Me:
Yeah! "You want a war?!"
Claudia:
"You want orange juice or not?!"
Me:
"Yeah, take those oranges with you!"
Jim:
You were just Captain Happy in this show weren't you?
Claudia:
I think you were overflowing with Vitamin C due the number of oranges in your dressing room!
Me:
Yeah, I know. "Diverticulitis? I've got that too! Let's have a party!"
27 Apr '05:
Liz:
What do you think is the most attractive quality in a woman? And if it begins with a 'T' or an 'A' you should leave right now!
Brendan:
What I look for in a woman begins with an 'L'.
Me:
Labia?
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